I will not waste my time criticizing or insulting Mr. Dion Bozman as 1) he is unlikely to change, and 2) Dion probably revels in the letters of shock and repulsion that he regularly receives. Instead, I will focus on his hideous diatribes, which, after all, are the things that deny the obvious. As this letter will make clear, he is extraordinarily brazen. We've all known that for a long time. However, Dion's willingness to devastate vast acres of precious farmland sets a new world record for brazenness. True, those who rip apart causes that others feel strongly about do us all a great injustice, but he has been known to say that granting him complete control over our lives is as important as breathing air. That notion is so noxious, I hardly know where to begin refuting it. Dion spouts a lot of numbers whenever he wants to make a point. He then subjectively interprets those numbers to support his intimations while ignoring the fact that his dissertations are not witty satire, as Dion would have you believe. They're simply the disloyal ramblings of someone who has no idea or appreciation of what he's mocking. It's not necessary to go into too long of a description about how he plans to consign our traditional values to the rubbish heap of sesquipedalianism sooner than you think. Suffice it to say that he decries or dismisses capitalism, technology, industrialization, and systems of government borne of Enlightenment ideas about the dignity and freedom of human beings. These are the things that Dion fears, because they are wedded to individual initiative and responsibility.
I don't mean to imply that he is a supporter of everything that was trendy in America in the 1960s -- the marvelous effects of LSD and other psychedelic drugs, pyramid power, various oriental religious cults, transcendental meditation, UFOs and extraterrestrials, CIA conspiracies, you name it -- but it's true, nonetheless. He wants to condemn children to a life of drugs, gangs, drinking, rape, incest, verbal abuse, physical abuse, and a number of other horrors. What's wrong with that? What's wrong is Dion's gossamer grasp of reality. Do you really think that obscurity, evasiveness, incomprehensibility, indirectness, and ambiguity are marks of depth and brilliance, as Dion claims? Wake up! People often get the impression that unprofessional, loathsome mouthpieces for vulgar misoneism and Dion's lapdogs are separate entities. Not so. When one catches cold, the other sneezes. As proof, note that every time Dion utters or writes a statement that supports opportunism -- even indirectly -- it sends a message that Dion is a paragon of morality and wisdom. I claim we mustn't let him make such statements, partly because he is the root of all evil, but primarily because many people are shocked when I tell them that I find his attitudes superstitious, callous, benighted, and more than a little obtrusive. And I'm shocked that so many people are shocked. You see, I myself had thought everybody already knew that he has gotten away with so much for so long that he's lost all sense of caution, all sense of limits. If you think about it, only a man without any sense of limits could desire to torment, harry, and persecute anyone who crosses his path. In the beginning of this letter, I promised you details, but now I'm running out of space. So here's one detail to end with: Mr. Dion Bozman loves everybody so much, he wants to rip out the guts of everybody who doesn't love everybody as much as he does.
